


To my dear Jean....

by Muchsalt



Category: Attack on Titan, Shingeki no Kyojin
Genre: I'm Sorry, Jean - Freeform, Letters, M/M, Marco - Freeform, Sad, attack on titan - Freeform, shingeki no kyojin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-12-16 05:53:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11822580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Muchsalt/pseuds/Muchsalt
Summary: This takes place after Marco's death.Jean can't handle the loss of his best friend and Marco can see this in the afterlife. He writes short letters that he knows Jean will never see containing all his thoughts and feelings.





	1. Chapter 1

Dear Jean,

I'm dead.  
You don't know yet...  
You don't know how much pain i'm going to cause you when you find out about the Titan that killed me...   
And when you find out who caused my death...  
You might never forgive them, and I know that.   
I know that better than anyone   
because I'm your best friend.  
Don't let this ruin your friendship with everyone...  
Stay strong.

Don't break, Jean


	2. Don't Grieve, Jean

Dear Jean,

Why did you have to be on body duty that day?  
You were the only one to identify me, even if my face was half missing and my carcass devoured by bugs.  
It must have been hard for you to watch my dead body burn.   
You looked strong in front of everyone but I could see the pain in your eyes.   
I know you're hurting.  
I know how your eyes seem to dull when you get upset.   
The corners of your lips drop down, almost unnoticeably.  
The end of your nose changes swiftly from pale to pink as you hold back tears.  
I notice because I know everything about you.   
I know because I'm your best friend.

I'll always be here.  
Don't grieve, Jean.


	3. Don't cry over me, Jean

Dear Jean,

This is the fifth night you've cried.   
It hurts me to see you like this.  
I told you not to get upset over me if I died first, didn't I, Jean?  
I said that I wouldn't cry if it were you to leave first...  
That's probably a lie.   
I'd cry.

We thought we'd leave this world together and much older in the safety of the inner wall...

We were wrong.

I'm still your best friend even if I'm gone.  
I miss talking to you...

Don't cry over me, Jean.


	4. Don't get mad, Jean

Dear Jean,

You keep getting mad.   
It's not a nice emotion to mix with sad.  
Don't take it out on others.  
There's no need.  
They struggle just as much as you.  
You aren't the only one who's loosing friends.

You always manage to stop yourself before you hurt people.  
I try to stop you.  
To put my hand on your shoulder and pull you back.  
To talk you out of stupid things.  
To calm you down with my words.  
Because that's what I've always done.  
But I cant.  
I cant touch you anymore.  
I cant speak to you anymore.  
I guess I can't be a very good best friend if I'm not there with you...  
Don't take your anger and grief out on others.  
It's not their fault.

Don't get mad, Jean


	5. Don't forget about me, Jean

Dear Jean,

I know it hurts you to think about me.  
I know you want to forget.  
I know you're trying to forget.  
But please don't...

You haven't mentioned me to anyone in a couple days,  
and I know because I'm watching over you like a guardian angel.  
I know you'd appreciate me watching over you.  
You wouldn't want anyone but your best friend to do so.  
Please,please...

Don't forget about me, Jean.


	6. Don't fight for anyone else Jean

Dear Jean,

Thank you,  
For believing I'm still here,  
For knowing I'm watching over you,   
For staying strong.

I saw you fighting for me.  
I watched you seeking revenge on my behalf.  
I know how you're feeling.  
I know because if I didn't, I wouldn't be a good best friend.  
And Jean...  
I appreciate it.

For the love of god, Jean,

Fight for me   
Don't fight for anyone else.


	7. Don't Stop, Jean

Dear Jean,

Keep going!   
Stay strong.  
I know you can be a good leader, even if I'm not with you.

You still cry, I know,  
But you're strong.

You miss me, I know,  
But I'm here.

You fight for me, I know,  
And I'm always beside you.

Anything you do, it's for me.  
You think about what my opinion would be.  
I know because I'm your best friend.  
I know everything about you, Jean Kirschtein.   
You cant hide anything from me because I'll find out.  
I always do.

Keep doing what you're doing.  
Don't stop, Jean


	8. Don't sulk, Jean

Dear Jean, 

You're getting stronger by the day.  
That's good.

I see you kiss the hand that held my bones each time you go on a mission.

You fight for me, don't you?

It's nice to know you've started to get over my death.  
But you haven't smiled since.  
I miss your smile.  
Not the sweet ones,   
though I did like them.  
But the smile you showed off while you were laughing;  
All your teeth on show,   
your eyes shut tight,   
Tears forming at the creases of your eyes from laughing too hard,  
Your cheeks slightly pink,  
Your nose crinkled.  
The only time I see these features now is when you're crying at the end of your bed.  
Your teeth gritted and on show,  
Your eyes shut tight beneath your hands,  
Tears forming as you cry so hard,  
Your cheeks pink from wiping away the tears too hard,   
Your nose scrunched...  
There's nothing I wouldn't give to see you smile like that again.  
I want to see you happy again.

Don't sulk, Jean.


	9. Don't join me anytime soon, Jean

Dear Jean,

You're staying strong.  
You're being positive.  
You're getting stronger.  
You're rising to the top.

I wish I could have been doing it all with you.

But I can't, so I'm watching from where I am and helping you with whatever I can.

We could have been at the top together.  
But now,  
I'm watching our friends die in the most gruesome ways.  
I'm finding out secrets I shouldn't.  
I'm seeing my worst nightmares come to life!

You're all being changed by a war that nobody has the power to stop.  
You're getting hurt in such large numbers.  
All of this loss and for what?  
What progress has been made?

This didn't have to happen.  
Please stay alive.   
Don't make stupid mistakes.

And more than anything,   
...Please...  
Don't join me anytime soon...


	10. Don't hide your feelings from everyone, Jean

Dear Jean,

Everyone is concerned.  
They know you've been sad since my death.  
They're your friends too.  
They know something's been up with you from a few days after my cremation.  
They saw this coming.  
Our friends knew how close we were, and guessed at how close we could be.

You shouldn't hide how you feel.  
It isn't good for you.  
You'll feel worse.

Remember the times we had together.  
Think about what advice I'd give you.  
Think about how I'd feel...

I know you love me Jean.  
I wish I would have told you I love you back.  
You probably would have been much sadder over my death.  
So I'm glad I didn't...

Thanks for being there for me when I was alive.  
Now I'll be here for you when you need me.  
I'll talk to you when you need me to,  
even if you cant hear me.  
I'll try and send positive energy, though I doubt it'd work.

I wanted to be more than just your best friend...

You'll regret it when you die so I suggest that you

Don't hide your feelings from everyone, Jean


	11. Please come back, Marco!

"Marco Bodt...   
you deserve to live a longer life,  
To give everyone your happiness, even if they don't deserve it.  
Your smile would never leave your face, even in mission.  
Everyone needs your positivity in their life and I think I need it now more than ever...

"Marco Bodt,  
Because of you, my tears seemed to have a connection from my eyes to my floor or my bed;  
They're constantly falling down.  
In fact, they're falling even now, onto my bed...

"Marco Bodt.  
Everybody misses you and your stupid, freckled face...  
We need to see your smile again  
And your shiny eyes, full of life.  
We all miss you...  
But most of all,  
I miss you...  
So much.

"Come back, Marco Bodt.  
Come back and make more memories with us all...  
With me...

"Marco Bodt!   
Come back to me.  
Let me tell you I love you!  
Let me shout at you to never leave me again.  
Let me hug you so tight that you start laughing...  
Then I'll start laughing.  
Let's cuddle in bed when we have a nightmare  
Let's insist on sharing blankets because 'it's warmer like this'  
Let's mess around during our free time.  
Let's comfort the other when they're sick or upset.  
Let's say 'no homo' again when somebody points us out...

 

"Marco Bodt!   
Marco Bodt!  
Marco Bodt!  
I can say your name a million times over...  
I just want to hear you say my name one more time...  
Please come back Marco..."


End file.
